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Arguing and Inquiring are OK

One of the things we notice in the Bible, perhaps to our surprise, is that God doesn’t mind us arguing with him. In fact, he seems to welcome it if we do it humbly and on the basis of his revelation. God’s Word is ours to be wielded in prayer. This should be a further incentive to read, memorise, meditate upon, and study Scripture. Ransack the Bible for promises and take them to him in prayer. He invites us to do so.

Besides this, there may be things that God has spoken prophetically about your life, the church, your family, and the city. Such things are not simply to occupy journals from yesteryear. Don’t treat them like museum spectacles behind glass. Seek God with them. Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” God does not reward passive fatalism, but aggressive faith. If this seems an overstatement, you need to read the Gospels again. Not to mention the prayers of Moses, Samuel, Elijah, and the apostles in Acts.

Strategic Petition

Nehemiah does not waste time being ‘spiritual.’ He expects things to get done. We need to be persuaded of this principle since there is no end of nonsense talked, and written, by people who seem to see prayer as an exercise in piety. This can especially be so when prayer is discussed in a purely devotional context.

“O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight to fear your name, and give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man” (Neh. 1:11).

There is a scatter-gun approach to praying which betrays a lack of any expectation. We talk but we give the impression that God is probably not listening and definitely not very interested. Such praying is close to what Jesus describes in Matthew 6:7, “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words.” It’s clear that certain praying gets nowhere near the ears of God since it is a mere religious exercise and is offered up to no one in particular.

Faith Grows With Exercise

Besides mere piety, the other thing Nehemiah avoids in his prayer found in Nehemiah 1 is vain unreality. It seems that true faith grows as it is exercised, like a muscle. We learn to ask for things from God as we learn his ways and get to know him. This is described in John 15, but also illustrated in Genesis 18 when Abraham’s prayers for Sodom and Gomorrah become progressively bolder. Additionally, P. T. Forsyth says, “Lose the importunity of prayer . . . lose the real conflict of will and will, lose the habit of wrestling and the hope of prevailing with God, make it mere walking with God in friendly talk; and precious as that is, yet you tend to lose the reality of prayer at last.”

Modest Prayers

Some will be dissatisfied with modest praying that is based on genuine faith and instead offer grand requests based on phony ‘faith.’ God calls us to consistent partnership with himself, so it is more likely that we will be called upon to pray for incremental, but consistent, growth in kingdom advance rather than the entire salvation of the city by this afternoon. The striking thing here is that Nehemiah does offer up prayer for 5 months, but the only request we know he makes is this one: “Lord give me favour with the King.” Nehemiah, where’s your faith!? Ask God for more! But Nehemiah is wiser. He knows he has a life calling. He is going to have to pray every victory in at a time. Each one is still a miracle.

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“And I said, ‘O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments…’” (Nehemiah 1:5).

Get Your Eyes Off Yourself

Some teaching on prayer suggests that we begin by confession of our sins to get it all out of the way. It is striking that Jesus’ teaching on prayer does the reverse: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name” (Matt. 6:9). He gets to confession of sin pretty late in the prayer. He would be frowned upon by some, but Jesus is right (oddly).

Jesus knows our frame. He knows we generally don’t need to see our sin as the first item on the agenda at every meeting with God. Better in fact to get our eyes altogether off of ourselves. That way we gain perspective and hope. D. Kidner says, “There is more than [flowery language] in this… opening. It deliberately postpones the cry for help, which could otherwise be faithless and self-pitying. It mounts immediately to heaven, where the perspective will be right, and it reflects on the character of God—not only for its loyalty and love, but first of all for the majesty which puts man, whether friend or foe, in his place.”

The great prayers of Scripture resound with this heavenly perspective. I love the way Peter and John (with their backs bleeding and the threat of execution over their heads) pray with the others, saying “Sovereign God… Now Lord…” (Acts 4). Start with God and his mission. Look to him. That way you get know him better too, and “the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action” (Dan. 11:32). Practically this means we shouldn’t complain too much if prayer meetings are occasionally overrun with worship! It also means that, like Nehemiah, we should plead our relationship.

Pray According To Scripture

Nehemiah prays, “Remember the word that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your dispersed be under the farthest skies, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there’” (Neh. 1:8-9). Nehemiah knows his God and knows the story his God is telling. He knows the way it should be going and the plan God has in getting it there. He knows about Israel’s heritage, Israel’s astounding calling, and Zion’s destiny as God’s great city—and this makes him persistent.

To be continued.

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“And I said, ‘O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments…’” (Nehemiah 1:5).

Revere Him

There are several practical lessons to be learned not only from Nehemiah’s commitment to prayer, but from the manner of his prayer as well. The prayers recorded in Scripture are there for our instruction. Nehemiah is not being liturgical here. It’s more than a traditional salutation. He deliberately begins with an appropriate reverence to God. Nehemiah is aware of the majesty of the God he addresses. He is a worshipper first and lives aware of the greatness of Yahweh.

This is a concept we easily overlook, even over-interpreting our intimacy as sons of God so that it becomes an excuse for cheap dullness in approaching him. People who are aware of God’s greatness will show it in the way they address him. Even the word awesome is pretty devalued in our day. You do not have an “awesome phone” and you have never seen an “awesome free-kick.” The KJV translation uses the word terrible. Maybe that gives us a better idea.

Remember His Greatness

Secondly, Nehemiah is reminding himself of the real situation. The temporal circumstances were overwhelming to him. If he wasn’t careful, he would simply bring that anxiety into prayer and focus upon it exclusively. This is hardly the same as prayer. My dad calls it “worrying out loud” and it is pretty fruitless. Neither does Nehemiah wallow in introspection, reflecting on his shortcomings, which is always an option. Instead he calls to mind God’s bigness and covenant commitments. We are wise to follow his example.

To be continued.

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Heroes Of Prayer

I grew up around praying parents and, in my late teens, learned to love the heroes of prayer. John Wesley would rise to be with God at 4:00am each day; Mary Queen of Scots apparently said she “feared the prayers of John Knox more than all the armies of England”; James Hudson Taylor said, “The sun has never risen over China without finding me at prayer.”

The prayer lives of Knox and Hudson Taylor are inspiring, but depressingly challenging! I would glide between two extremes: inspired and depressed. I guess I never realised it was normal to find it tough. And it just is. Scripture refers to it as “labour” or as “wrestling.” That is a hint. Prayer in the Scriptures is often rigorous. The story of Elijah praying seven times for rain or of Aaron and Hur holding Moses’ arms during battle against Amalek shows men who devote themselves to prayer despite great difficulty (Acts 2:42).

The Flesh Is Weak

There is a rumour amongst charismatic Christians that praying is only really worthwhile if the Holy Spirit leads you to pray (and by this they mean that you already feel like praying). Jesus was much more straightforward: he told the disciples that the spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak (Matt. 26:41).

Here, some of the biographies don’t help. They can give a false and glorified picture. All people will find some challenges in prayer, including prophets like Elijah: “Elijah was a man with a nature like ours” (James 5:17). Lapses in intensity, concentration, and focus are common. This doesn’t mean that it should be pure and endless agony. It just sometimes starts that way. Press through in cold blood and you’ll get warmer.

Good Intentions Change Nothing

The Puritans talked about ‘praying, until you pray.’ That is a helpful expression. It can, and will, become a delight. If you don’t believe me, read Psalm 16. Prioritise prayer, make a plan, put it in your diary, and keep the appointment. Meaning to do something changes nothing: “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing...” (Prov. 13:4) and don’t just leave it to “the Spirit to lead you.” My experience is that he doesn’t, or not in the way I want him to anyway.

Tips for Effective Prayer

• Set the right goals. Make them challenging enough to motivate you, but still doable.
• Get to prayer meetings. You’ll learn a lot.
• Learn what distracts you and outplay them.
• Keep close to a pencil and paper. Make notes if any thought keeps stealing your focus.
• Be around people who know how to pray and ask to join them. That can be the most instructive thing of all.
• If you have the gift of tongues, use it a lot. You are praying the mind of the Spirit (Rom. 8:26-27) and edifying yourself (1 Cor. 14:4).
• Be accountable to someone. Tell them to ask you how your prayer life is regularly. Encourage them to abuse you when you don’t pray!

Resist discouragement—It’s from the devil. Your Father loves you. And resist pride. Remember you come to God because you need him, not to impress him or anyone else. He is already perfectly impressed with his Son and, therefore with you, whether you pray or not.

To be continued.

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“When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4).

Prioritising

Some leaders may object to the idea of consistent prayer because they’re “too busy,” but this just shows the same independence as the disciples in Mark 9:29 . However, we will make time for things that are important. When I was a schoolteacher, some kids would explain their lack of homework with “I forgot.” I would then ask why they hadn’t forgotten their clothes. The idea behind their explanation was that homework was that unimportant.

The idea that we are too busy to pray is insanity. What could you possibly be doing that is more important? Martin Luther saw it rightly. He once said, “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.” D.A. Carson also put it succinctly: “If you are too busy to pray, you are too busy. Cut something out.”

Put Your Bricks In First

In a business example, a businessman filled an empty bucket with bricks in front of some junior executives. He asked if the bucket was full. Some thought so, but most said “no.” The businessman then filled the gaps with pebbles and sand, asking after each new ingredient whether it was “full now?” Finally, he poured in water until the bucket overflowed. He asked the junior executives the meaning of the exercise. After a moment of dumb silence he explained, “If you want bricks in a bucket, put them in first.’’

In all things, we are to consider prayer to be the “bricks” that must go into the bucket first. All other things follow afterwards.

To be continued.

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“Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure”
–D.L. Moody

A Man Who Kneeled

Nehemiah is a man who adopted a kneeling role. Instead of trying to look productive, we must instead be productive. Seeking God earnestly and patiently is the most productive use of our time. It is no mere escape route, but a wise response to grim reality. It gives us the perspective that we need, and it changes history.

How did Nehemiah respond to news of desolation back in Jerusalem? Nehemiah 1:4 says, “When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.” He wept, and then threw himself into lengthy prayer and self-humiliation.

Why Not Take Action?

As we read the book of Nehemiah, we appreciate that the man is no passive flower. We have a man of swift, decisive action; a creative and brilliant strategist who made things happen. He’d engineer and generate things through a mixture of ingenuity and belligerence.

So then why did he not do something? It would surely beat all this wailing. Begin a PR campaign, start lobbying, get on talk radio, or at least write a blog. Instead he mourns. And in doing so, he’s “blessed,” according to Jesus (Matt. 5:4).

Knee-jerk activism, however impressive it might look, reveals a feeble grasp of the situation and a sinful confidence in independent methods. Nehemiah prays and mourns (with fasting) for five months because he doesn’t have a choice.

Do You Pray?

The biggest danger for any generation of leaders is prayerlessness. Much in the church that begins from a spirit of genuine humility and prayer is carried on in proud self-sufficiency. Arthur Wallis once said, “A move of God will last as long as the Spirit of prayer that inspired it.” You can tell when this happens. It’s when prayer is used as a last resort, as a spare wheel, but it’s meant to be the steering wheel.

There are certain battles we simply cannot win without prayer. The more I lead, the more frequent such battles seem. Jesus made this clear with the statement regarding the demon that would not submit to his disciples in Mark 9:29: “He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer.’” This is a striking text if you reflect on it: what had the disciples been trying with this demoniac? Of course they must have prayed, but that is not the point being made here by Jesus.

It is one thing to hit a crisis and pray in reaction, which is what the disciples were doing, but it is quite another to live a life of prayer and have reserves of spiritual force, wisdom, and peace from which to draw when Satan is threatening. This is the lifestyle Jesus wanted his twelve to live.

To be continued.

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In this series concluding post, I continue to look at a few ways in which we have allowed for an effeminate church state of affairs, and then propose some moderate steps of improvement.

Giving

My only point here is that, uncomfortable as it can feel and distasteful as it may seem, in my experience, most guys like us to level with them about money. They even feel honored when we go to them with a straight request to support a kingdom project.

Humility

Finally, our concept of humility needs to be a biblical and God-conscious one, derived from gospel faith, not cowardly inactivity. In the name of "humility," a lot of church men never allow their God-given masculine instincts any space whatsoever, imagining that their courage will be frowned upon.

Surely the best breeding ground for humility is not an atmosphere of legalistic self-evaluation, motive checking, and doubt. If you have fostered an environment that causes men to confuse their approval ratings by more "mature" men with an accurate measure of godliness, then good luck seeing them take a single risk for the kingdom. It is more humbling to try and fail than to "modestly" never try at all.

Again, counterintuitively, genuine humility is far more likely to thrive when men encourage rather than stifle one another, watching one another's backs (not so we get a better chance to stab them, but so we can protect them).

Women Want Biblical Masculinity

I'll end this with a word regarding the women. Ladies in our churches, young and old, are not as horrified by an emphasis on reaching men as one might expect. Ultimately our women don't want to be surrounded by a crowd of wusses or a bunch of bullies. Biblical masculinity is such a rare commodity that women are usually attracted to it rather than repulsed (though this may surprise them at first).

At a recent staff meeting we were discussing our need to become more intentional about focusing on men. Some way into the conversation, I turned to two highly competent players on our key staff, both female, and asked how they felt about this emphasis. They replied: "This is just the sort of emphasis we need." That is true. Let it become our strategy: reach and change the men, and you'll reach and change the culture.

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Discipling

To disciple guys like Jesus did, you have to be prepared to leave them. Jesus did it all the time. Although he was more forbearing than we can imagine, he also knew when he was wasting time and kept the bar pretty high. He didn't do the chasing, the disciples did.

This is a counterintuitive thing, and we have to be brave if we want to learn it, but men really need (and eventually want) to be stretched. If every parasite is coddled, the real men will either head for the door or become parasites too. I'm ashamed to say I make some leadership decisions safely, imagining I cannot ask the guys to follow me into something crazy. But what gives me that idea? Precedent does, that's all.

This is very important. Some guys won't follow us until they see we mean business, and they see this most vividly when others leave us, yet we don't back down in our commitment. This is why it is counterintuitive: by letting some people leave, you will cause others to join—others who would never have joined you otherwise (John 6:66-69).

A friend of mine, who coaches church planters, knew there were two guys in his group who were not showing the character or commitment he expected in a room of serious planters. He asked them both to not come back. This kind of thing makes us sad—especially for the wives of the guys in question—but there is no way these men would have been helped by pandering. They stand a better chance of making progress having been stood down, and meanwhile the rest of the group have shot forward in the training, having seen the bar go higher.

The lesson seems to be that if you're a coach, you will need to bench people now and then.

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Parenting

In the Bible, the responsibility for raising children to know God rests squarely at the feet of parents, especially the fathers (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 20-23; Psalm 78:4; the book of Proverbs; Eph 6:4; Psalm 127:3-5). This puts the word ‘Pastor' before the name of every dad in your church. How are you training them in their calling?

Too many children grow up never having their dads open a Bible or pray with them. Even guys who would love to disciple their kids lack confidence, some being frightened of "ramming it down their throats," forgetting they have an enemy who has no scruples about what he rams there.

A lot of guys simply don't know what to do (including me a lot of the time), and so they do nothing. Then another generation of boys may grow up thinking that since Dad doesn't talk about Jesus at home, Jesus can't be so very important after all.

I suggest you deconstruct the idea that you, as leader, have it all sussed and instead, deliberately learn by prayer, listening, reading, trial and error, and repentance to pastor your own kids. Then talk about it—a lot—so that dads don't feel discouraged by your mythical example, but instead are well taught.

I have also told our dads to watch the danger of falling into either one of two gutters here. Some are great at hanging out and being friends with their sons and, in fact, some are brilliant. But that won't cover Ephesians 6:4 on its own—you need to instruct your kids too. Others are superb teachers of theology, but without relationship your instruction is not going to land where it should. I want a church where the dads excel at both, so the experts of each side need to help each other.

I'll finish this section with some words from John Piper in reference to a cigarette billboard with the slogan, Where a Man Belongs:

"To hell with such lies! Where a man belongs is on his knees beside his wife, leading in prayer. Where a man belongs is at the bedside of his children, leading in devotion and prayer. Where a man belongs is in the driver's seat, leading his family to the house of God. Where a man belongs is up early and alone with God, seeking vision and direction for the family. Men, I challenge you in the name of Jesus Christ our King, be where you belong!"

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Corporate Worship

Is it possible for men to come into a Sunday worship service and reflect: "Now this is a masculine environment?" I reckon it is, but you have to be intentional to get there. Some of our songs lend themselves to a masculine response, and they should be chosen over others. I'm talking about songs full of objective truth that help guys know what they're singing about.

As for songs that subjectively express our love or our longing for Jesus, well they are entirely biblical. Just beware of unbalance. A normal masculine man is going to be troubled by his first visit to church (even if he got saved at Alpha), if it consists of standing to sing for 40 minutes to an ancient Jew words he would find awkward writing in a card to his girlfriend! You know the songs I mean.

And as a rule, maybe your worship leaders (if they are guys) should be the sorts who remind you of Johnny Cash rather than Art Garfunkel!

Community

Community is an increasingly trendy theme in much western culture, and good thing too, as it's biblical. But again, we need to constantly rescue it from pagan (and often effeminate) distortions. Without essential Bible concepts such as accountability, protection, discipline, and leadership, the concept becomes soupy enough to mean whatever you want it to. And this, again, is what leaves men unreached.

The images we tend to celebrate when considering community (certainly in western culture) are family (which also means a lot of things), belonging, compassion, care, and thoughtfulness. Obviously, these are noble and biblical ideas. But on their own, they create an unbalanced environment, and they will not appeal to guys who see other values in community, such as order, camaraderie, mission, teamwork, and brotherhood.

This came home to me forcefully in a meeting where someone had brought up the need for people to find a place in God's family. There was nothing erroneous said, but it left me concerned for any visiting blokes whose preconceptions of sentimental church were now confirmed. Before getting up to preach I was thinking, "Guys hear ‘family' as such a weak and syrupy word," and I felt God say to me, "Not if they have just watched The Godfather."

When we talk about family, community, and being a people, do we leave out the bits about protecting each other (especially the weak), snatching each other from sin, or speaking the plain truth in love? These and many other biblical expressions of community must come back into our language and practice if we want any hope winning a world of men.

Guys don't want to be in a "caring community," but in a "band of brothers." This never fails to bring the best out of them. Max Hastings, in his book about D-Day, states that allied soldiers who survived never recovered the sense of belonging to a fighting force. Their existence really meant something in Normandy. Many felt they were alive for the first time and after the war, craved a return to it despite the danger, never feeling part of a cause again.

Well, I have a cause.

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